If I give you money for a meal it better come to me on a plate, a bowl, or if it’s fajitas a skillet.
I don’t want it laid on a piece of cedar from a haunted forest in Japan.
I don’t want it smeared on a stained glass window of baby Jesus playing the drums.
I don’t want it squirted into a bagpipe and played at my niece’s Bat Mitzvah.
Don’t get all fancy with the presentation to mask the fact that your food tastes awful.
1. Finally caught one in the wild (pun intended!)
2. Oh yes, thank you for my human meal in a doggy bowl.
3. So, can I eat the lava rock or is that the plate?
4. You calling me a hoe?
5. Just like old Italian mothers used to dry their laundry.
6. A margarita served in a bag, in a deep fryer tray, in a restaurant that will be gone in 6 months.
7. And while we’re at it, the little tray the check comes on is fine too. No need to bring it out on a full-size fucking typewriter.
8. Enough said.
9. A drink served in a rock with a hole but no straw. Might be whiskey. Might be a scorpion.
10. When you’re done you wiper your face with a plate.
11. Not only are the fries soggy, but you evicted a goldfish for this.
12. Bread in a roadkill sack. Burn this place down.
13. Then you slap the waiter in the face with it.
14. Cheese foam sprayed onto the top of your hand, best enjoyed with a chilled beer and regret.
15. At least the food is having fun.