Let’s start by acknowledging that “bridezilla” is a pretty sexist concept.
Women are told over and over again that their weddings are the most important days of their lives (gross) and are then shamed for cracking under all that pressure.
THAT SAID. They do exist
You can still have a nice wedding without making your friends think you’re a lunatic, unlike this bride, who is is going viral for her insane list of 37 — yes, you read that right, there are 37 items — rules her bridesmaids have to follow.
Why would you even want this?
The best part about all of this is that the bride posted the list herself thinking it made her seem reasonable.
Here is the entire list of her requirements:
I will not try to convince the bride to change anything in her wedding
I will not talk negative about anyone in the wedding
I will not gain more than 3kg between now and the wedding
I will wear only black or dark brown hair on the day of the wedding (highlights may be accepted with prior approval)
I cannot wear any lashes the day of the wedding unless professionally installed
I have to attend the bridal shower and bachelorette party, fitting and rehearsals and wedding (only time this can be missed is death or jail, pregnancy over five months and some sickness with recent doctor’s note)
I will take care of my skin, hair and nails from now until the wedding
The bride will choose my make-up artist the day of the wedding
I will agree to wear the dress the bride chooses regardless of my own opinions, style or colour
I will not wear any extra accessories, items of clothing or jewelery the day of the wedding except my wedding or engagement ring.
I will not intentionally fall pregnant before the wedding. (Pregnancy under five months will not be excused from attending wedding events)
I will support the bride in everything she chooses
I will not consume more than seven units of alcohol during any event except bachelorette party (there will be no limit)
I will not bring a date to wedding or reception without bridal approval
I will not bring any outside people, except kids, to any meeting
I will not bring my kids to the wedding unless they are a part of the wedding party (no exceptions)
I will make sure I have an accountable babysitter the day of all events and I understand that no show for no babysitter will not be an acceptable excuse
I will not make any advances towards males in the wedding party
I will not date anyone in the wedding party that I wasn’t dating before I signed this contract
I will be happy and positive at all times during wedding and reception
I will not grow sensitive and angry with the bride because I understand that she has a bossy attitude
I will not attempt to outdo the bride in any way
I will wear the hairstyle the bride chooses for the wedding day
I understand that I have to purchase my own dress and shoes and hairstyle for the wedding
I understand that the bachelorette party may be a destination getaway
I understand that I have to purchase a bachelorette party T-shirt and fund my own trip if it is away
I understand that the maid and matron of honour will need help funding some of the events. The wedding and reception are not included
I understand that the bride does not want any suggestion and this agreement is on here twice, two different ways because the bride wants it to be clear. Only suggestion allowed is a way to get her exact item at a cheaper price.
I will not drop out of the wedding party for any of the reasons listed above. If I do not like anything listed, I will not sign the contract and I will be replaced. I understand that I do not agree to the above terms it will not ruin the bride and I’s friendship. But if I sign and agree and later want to drop out, then it will ruin our friendship
I understand that no friendship to the bride is bigger than anyone in her wedding party and everyone will be treated equally
I understand that I may have to do physical activity at the reception and this requires practices provided by the bride
No coloured contact lenses allowed
No black drawn-on eyebrows or thick drawn-on (matter of fact, revert back to make-up law above)
No glossy coloured lipstick allowed (the kind that looks very , very shiny and bright)
No colourful nails the day of the wedding. Only colours allowed are American, French or Nudes
I will provide the bride with my normal seven-day schedule within five days of signing this contract.
I will agree to save at least $50 a month for expenses for the next 14 months.
Comments ranged from “hard pass” to “nope”.
“Am I reading this right? Just ridiculous. And I can’t believe six people signed it!” said one person.
Another reader added, “I would screw this contract up and throw it in the brides’ face. What an idiot.”
I guess, and this is just an idea, but maybe invite people to your wedding because you want them to help you celebrate, and maybe care a little less about, well, any of the 37 aforementioned things?