What worthwhile skill could you bring into the apocalypse? You might be asking yourself “which kind? Zombies? Nuclear winter?” To you, I say: “You’re already thinking too much and you will hold the rest of the group back. You must be banished.”
Surviving the End Times won’t be easy. It will be even harder if we don’t have anyone in our group who knows how to hunt or garden. Thankfully, if we all stick together, we can at least have a sense of humor about the whole thing.
We recently reached out to our Facebook fans about what skills they could bring to the table in the event of the world ending. Not many people took it seriously. This question has been plaguing the internet long before I thought to ask, so I also took the time to find out what Reddit had to say.
Here are the best responses to the question “What skills could you offer in an apocalypse?”
1. Here’s a very important addition to the team.
“I can be used as a bad example.” –Menutoga
2. We do need more of this, yes.
3. We need a soundtrack, so this person is in.
“I could play Bach’s Toccata & Fugue in D minor on the organ as the doom approached.” –Back2Bach
4. Spouting random bits of information is annoying at parties, but extremely useful when avoiding danger. You’re in.
“I know a lot of pointless information from listening to educational podcasts, could be useful one day. I’m also an okay cook when options are limited. Gimme a challenge to make something tasty out of slim pickings and I think I’d do alright.” –manalinegrace
5. All that hard work paid off.
“Paramedic so basically an apocalypse doctor.” –glitterallymedic
6. Get out to the country, and help us!
“I can fix a car, wire up solar panels and batteries, do some carpentry, and I’m a pretty good shot. But, I live in a city, so in just about any apocalyptic situation I’ll probably die pretty quickly.” -anonymous
7. It is not enough to succeed. We must make others fail.
“I dont know if this counts as a skill but I can really bring down the morale of others around me and make people splinter off into factions when they should be working together. I could also sabotage efforts to overcome obstacles through starting in-fighting by hiding food and pouring out water supplies to create unnecessary conflict.” -anonymous
8. We need this one-man band.
“I’ve worked as a mechanic and a plumber, but I’m also trained in electronics repairs and basic house wiring. I’m a pretty decent carpenter and I’ve remodeled several houses for friends. I can set up and maintain a powered and plumbed compound with scavenged materials and several assistants. I should also think that improvising defenses and weapons would fall into my wheelhouse.” –WilTravis
9. Good work, buddy. Yes.
“I can count till 7 and I can also eat toilet paper as a reliable food source.” –ChatThief
10. We need this guy from Bones on our side.
“I’m a forensic entomologist. While decomposing cadavers cannot be used to implicate criminals anymore, I imagine my skills would be instrumental in food production and distinguishing between arable land and pasturable land imbued with plants conducive for insect population resurgences.
I’d work concurrently with farmers to establish and cultivate any viable insects to fertilise crops to augment the sustainability of our food supplies.” –VelvetDreamers
11. A good listener. You’re in.
“Therapy. You’re all gonna need it.” –redmooncat15
Here are more responses we got from the Tastefully Offensive Facebook Page:
12. You’re welcome in my home whether the world is ending or not.
13. For posterity, we need you.
14. If you watch enough horror movies, you know how to survive. Welcome.
15. This is how I solve all my problems. Yes.