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Divorce Lawyers Are Sharing The Pettiest Reasons Their Clients Have Gotten Divorced

Now that I’m finally married, it’s time to start hunting for divorce lawyers. I’m joking, of course. Unless she wants one. Did she say anything to you? All right, well. Keep me in the loop. Sincerely, I’m not planning on getting divorced until the day she says something insane like “I only pretended to like basketball for you” or “I want to have a baby.” Otherwise, I think it’s smooth sailing from here on in with my first wife. As long as I stop introducing her as my “first wife.” OK, we get it. Why are we here today? Funny you should ask. We’re looking at the pettiest reasons why people have filed for divorce. Lawyers for soon-to-be-ex-spouses spilled the beans on the weirdest and funniest reasons a marriage can end.

Someone asked the simple question on the Reddit sub r/askreddit: “Divorce lawyers of Reddit, what is the most ridiculous reason your client filed divorce for?” Thankfully, lawyers love to talk. Many replied. The more I read the sad pathetic reasons for a divorce, the better I felt about myself. I hope you feel the same.

Here are the pettiest reasons people have filed for divorce according to divorce attorneys:

1. Reply All gone wrong.

“A couple did their will with our firm. We drafted everything, they were mid-70’s to early 80’s. Married 40 years total. Divorced and remarried once. Husband wanted us to put in his will that his kids get his entire estate, but did not want us to tell his wife. He wanted to have us make a secret will and a fake will. The fake will would be signed with her present, and then he wanted us to shred it and he will come in later to sign the “real will.” He copied his wife on the email that had all of this information disclosed in it.

2 weeks later he called us and said he wanted to file for divorce instead.” –PetiteChaos

2. If only we all had nine lives.

“A couple got divorced over a cat. Wife called cat Snowball because of white fur and only wanted the cat to eat wet food or chicken breast. Husband called cat Lily again because of white fur and believed it should only eat dry food. These two argued for a year over custody of the cat but did not give a shit about their human kids aged 15 months, 4 years, and 6 years old.” –sxcamaro

3. Different strokes.

“I represented a porn actress/webcam model who filed for divorce from her husband who also did the porn/webcam model business. He would do gay porn on the side because the pay was better. She was hesitant about it, but dealt with it because the pay was decent. Both sides had an agreement that it wasn’t cheating as long as it was for work.

One day she came home early and found her husband in bed with two men… they were not filming… that was too much for her. Needless to say, the old conservative judge couldn’t wrap his head around this one.” –FearTheChive

4. I’m not sure whose side I’m on.

“I had a client file for divorce because every morning his wife would ask him how he takes his coffee…for seven years.” –BlankSmitty

5. Better than how you replace the roll.

“My boss just got divorced. His wife was telling people one of her reasons was the amount of toilet paper he used. She was a super coupon clipper thrifty lady and would listen when he went to the bathroom to see if he was using ‘too much tp.'” –dizzylyingdown

6. Different times.

“My dad was a divorce lawyer. He had a client who wanted to divorce her husband for 2 reasons:

  1. He did not have enough hair on his chest.

  2. He did not drive fast enough.

Keep in mind this was in the 70’s when chest hair was a bit more important.” –Bodhi_ZA

7. It’s either me or “her.”

“He loved his pinball machine collection more than her. Also it turns out some pin ball machines can be worth a shit load of money.” –stervenjerbs

8. Pretty slick.

“Friend of mine divorced his then wife because she would only speak French when her family would come over. She was Spanish, as was her family…

To add, her family spoke English, French and Spanish, he could only speak Spanish and English, she got bored of being married to him, her family basically talked shit about him whilst he was there, was only when he recorded a conversation whilst they where there and got it translated he found out what was going on.” –StanMarsh01

9. Whose love are you after?

“Wife wanted to divorce husband because he kept taking their dogs for walks while she was at work, making it (unintentionally) so they’d rather cuddle the husband instead of her after a long day.” -anonymous

10. Bet on yourself.

“One client filed for divorce because he owed his bookie $70,000. He didn’t want to leave his wife but he figured he would get half the house in the divorce, which was worth $700,000 and pay his debts. He had already blew through their life savings gambling. He was the worst guy.” –RavenHairBeauty

11. Too late.

“The husband wanted a divorce because the wife still wiped the ass of the perfectly healthy and mentally able teenage son among other things.” -anonymous

12. Who gets what?

“Wasn’t the reason but did happen during the course of the divorce. Neither side would follow the court orders. When they had to go back to court they were fighting over a pistol and the man’s grandmother’s bowls. I assumed for weeks that these bowls were some sort of heirloom or expensive china. When they finally brought the bowls in to swap they were fucking tupperware.” –Carcharodons

13. This is terrible.

“My neighbour filed for divorce because he smacked his lips when he ate and slurped his coffee and soup. She thought if she didn’t she would end up in jail for battery.” –mollymuppet78

14. Swing and a miss!

“A friend of the family got divorced by her husband because she couldn’t outperform him on the golf course.. we all think he was cheating and just wanted an excuse but she did say he would often yell at her in public while golfing and mock her for her “attention to detail” whatever the fuck that means in golf… He would also force the family to go golfing on most weekends so it’s hard to say if that was the real reason or not. She doesn’t even like golf but was, and still is, afraid to tell him that.” –ShenroEU

15. A sad one.

“My client was the outrageous one, so my heart went out to his poor wife. He had OCD which manifested primarily financially, so he made their lives a penny-pinching hell. Examples: he was obsessed with avoiding unnecessary driving (wear and tear on the car, gas expenses), so he cut the whole family’s hair at home and never let them eat at a restaurant or go to the movies.

Weirdest of all: he kept one toilet paper roll on him at all times and you had to get one square from him before you could go to the bathroom. He never gave more than one square. Wife finally got fed up and left him when 1) he gave her bangs during an in-home haircut and 2) their daughter was so traumatized by the toilet paper thing they couldn’t potty train her.” –Julietcaravello1