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28 People Share The Dumbest Things They’ve Ever Heard Another Human Being Say

16. If the person was a dog, maybe?

“It was a video with two people arguing and one of them roughly says, with full confidence ‘Dog sperm can get me pregnant.'” –STARKILLER-1477

17. We’ve all said dumber, I’m sure.

“‘London is the Paris of New York’ said my friend after a few drinks. We never let him forget it.” –Charlotte-De-litt

18. I want a star to come and splash me.

“Overhearing a conversation on a cruise deck between two people:

‘Look at how many stars there are out there.’

‘Yeah, they’re actually pretty big too. If one crashed all the way in the water over there, it bet it would splash us over here.’” –PontificatingBro

19. Papers, please.

“I’m from New Mexico. In high school, I was talking with a group of people in my history class about where we were from. When I mentioned I was born and raised in NM, one of the girls (She was from Cali I believe) got really excited and asked if she could see my green card. She had never seen one before, but she was positive that people in this state are given a birth certificate along with a green card. Because of the Mexico part.

I had to explain that we didn’t get green cards, because NEW Mexico is a state and not part of Mexico.” –spooky_panic

20. Their heart was in the right place.

“I once had to explain to a call center colleague that Blood Oranges are not like Blood Diamonds.” –justthekoufax

21. But how does a dog wear pants, though?

“It’s not the stupidest but it’s the most recent ones to mind. I’m a vettech and was giving discharge instructions to dog owner after a neuter.

Owner after dog neuter – So where are his stitches?

Me- Oh between his legs.

Him- His front legs or back legs.

Me-……His back legs.

Where do you keep your testicles sir?” –Bushtuckapenguin

22. I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure that’s not right.

“I worked at a hippy crystal store in the mall. These girls come up and are looking at our amethyst cathedrals (BIG pretty chunks of amethyst). One reached out to touch it and her friend immediately held her back and pulled her away, yelling “Don’t touch that! It’s Asthmathyst! Being around it gives you asthma!!” She was genuinely upset…I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard that one.” –spooky_panic

23. Think it through.

“I order sliced ham at a grocery store deli and ask if I could have 1 kilogram of shaved ham and the work said we don’t seek kilograms, just grams … so I asked for 1,000 grams of shaved ham.” –mmksuxs

24. She cracked the code.

“There was a girl I went to high school with that had a few good ones that left is all flabbergasted. My favorite was in tenth grade: “Meat comes from a factory, it’s not made from animals!”

Once we stopped laughing and explained to her the reality, she immediately declared she wouldn’t eat meat anymore.

Fifteen years later, she’s still a vegan, and lo and behold, we are beginning to make “meat” in factories. Way to go, Stacey, you were ahead of the curve.” –idreamofdinos

25. Does someone have a patent on this?

“A roommate had to walk to work 2 km in the sun. He asks me how he’d stop his head getting burnt…and asked me for advice on how to put sunscreen in his hair. I suggested a hat. He was floored (mouth dropped open) and thought it was a great solution. He told me I was so clever.” –Foreign_Ingenuity_28

26. How is it possible, though?

“Leaving the movie “Titanic” in 1997; I passed a person and overheard them say, “That movie was so unrealistic, no ship like that would sink.” Legit hadn’t heard of the sinking of the Titanic and thought the events in the movie were fiction.” –MrDTB1970

27. Prove it won’t happen. I dare you.

“If you untie your belly button, your bum falls off.” –Scallywagstv2

28. Explain how my parents had me if this is impossible.

“I’ll be a virgin for the rest of my life! I want my children to be proud of me.” –Hiromqchi

h/t Reddit: r/AskReddit