15. Black Walnut Häagen-Dazs
Herman Cain (RIP) said this was his favorite flavor every time he was asked. Problem is, it was discontinued long before he ran for president. Maybe he had a stockpile.
16. Sugar-free gummy bears
Gummies that use artificial sweeteners caused people to immediately shit their pants. You can still find some but not by Haribo. Eat at your own risk.
17. Chocolate-filled cake bites.
30 count? That’s one for every minute these were in my house. They ended in 2007 because they were a choking hazard. Damn right they were. I put three in my mouth at the same time and almost died.
There’s nothing quite as satisfying as a crunchy piece of chocolate with salt added in somehow. Elegant versions of sea salt chocolate exist, but no one will jump back into the potato chip in the chocolate game outside of Idaho (look into Spuds). These didn’t do well enough. They never found their audience (me) and were discontinued in 2006.
19. JIF Power Ups
Choosey Moms want you to shut up about being hungry when you just ate. They ended in 2020 after only 2 years on the market.
20. Munch ‘Ems
Keebler now knows it should stick to cookies (and the club crackers. Never take them from us!). In the early 2000s, these crackers that you could eat like chips were done.
I remember a day my friends and I were filming a comedy sketch about a surgeon asking for random items he needed for the surgery. As they became more and more ridiculous and the patient was definitely deceased and covered in blood, I asked my assistant for a Kudos, and then at it in front of the body. Pretty good bit, I think. They were so so good and I miss them. Other granola bars are lying to you that they’re healthy. They’re not. Kudos was upfront about the fact that it was mostly candy. RIP to a legend. 1986-2017.
22. Four Loko should be the National Drink of the USA.
When I was on my way to Vegas on a road trip, I overheard a guy arguing that if you drank Sparks alcoholic energy drink, you were safe to drive because the caffeine, etc made sure you never got fully drunk. Four Loko must have been that man’s favorite drink. Though the drink is still around, they stripped it of its stimulants after legal action in 2010. People wanted to rage, and the nanny state stopped them. Red Bull and vodka it is.
23. Philadelphia Snack Bars
My wife had a rude awakening last year when she found out recently that these had ended. SIGN THE PETITION TO BRING THEM BACK!!!!
24. McDonald’s Szechwan Sauce Mulan tie-in.
If you know, you know.
25. Sun Chips are for White People and White People hate spices.
They started in 2013, likely because white people were finally embracing Siracha. Alas, the type of white people who eat at Subway still only like salt and no other spices.
26. Cinnamon TicTacs
I love any Tic Tac. Sadly, in 2007 they ended the ones with a real kick because they weren’t selling.
27. Waffle Crisp
In 1996, there was a big ad campaign for this cereal with a bunch of grandmas working at a cereal factory. Though this dystopian nightmare appealed to children who wanted to believe that their grandmas were tired because of the backbreaking work at the factory, they sadly changed the packaging and recipe to a cheaper form in 2013 before killing off the food entirely in 2018.
28. Taco Bell Seafood Salad
I wouldn’t even try this on a dare. This item was introduced in 1986, and I’m not sure when it ended because I think they tried to burn the records of it ever existing. Recently, someone on Reddit asked if anyone misses the Taco Bell Seafood Salad and the top-rated response was “No.”
29. A deep cut from Wonka
The Millionaire’s Shortbread only existed in the world of the book-version of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. That’s right. You had to be a true nerd to know about this. It only lasted from 2005-2010.
My whole life was Squeezeits and Cheez-its at one point. I miss their weird faces. I need my drinks in a mug with a face on it now as an adult.