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25 People Give Their NSFW Responses To What They Would Actually Do If “The Purge” Were Real

We’re all waiting for The Purge. That’s when all crime, including murder, is legal for 24 hours. It’s a dumb premise for a movie. Mostly because if you’re angry or crazy enough to kill someone, you’re probably not thinking through all the ways the legal system might come for you. People didn’t even think about legality when they storm federal buildings.

I remember a story on the local news in Cleveland about a lawyer who looked up capital cases prior to killing his girlfriend. That’s not the average murderer or thief. That’s a sociopath. The rest of us are out here doing drugs and not caring about the law.

One Reddit user challenged all that by asking this question:

“You are unable to be killed or injured for 24 hours and any crimes you commit during this time, you can’t be charged for, no matter how extreme. What do you do with this power?”

People had answers. Too many people had answers, in fact. They’ve been thinking about this question since the movie The Purge was released.

Here are the weirdest answers to a Reddit user asking what people plan on doing during The Purge:


1.

“Find out what lava tastes like.” –Superbeltman

2.

“Run around the Pentagon covered in baby oil.” –somerandomkididk

3.

“I would steal the moon.” –Aspect-of-Death

4.

“Raid area 51.” –Sukeruton_Key

5.

“I’d practise parkour. Because that shit is scary as hell, and my biggest problem that prevents me from getting better is being afraid.

I wouldn’t do crime, because even if I wasn’t charged, people would still judge me.

Okay, I would cross on red like usual. And so many times. IN FRONT OF CHILDREN.” –Valhe1729

6.

“Rob a bunch of banks and jewelry stores trying to make as much money as possible in such a short time. Might start by robbing an extreme sports car dealership, just so I can drive to different banks even faster.” –Snowfreak2507

7.

“I would out pizza the hut.” –SS_RANK_ORK

8.

“I’ve got an inoperable tumor that’s growing off my spine and into my pelvis. Doctors can’t remove it because that could leave me with complete loss of function from the waste down.

I’d call every doctor I can and tell them to fucking have at it.” –Prickly_Pear1

9.

“Snort coke until i can see time.” –dreamsofmary

10.

“Become the world’s first suicide bomber to SURVIVE.” –Omega1556

11.

“Go live and tell the world that death stopped working.

Shoot myself, hang, jump off buildings.

You know. Just rack up a body count without having to do anything to anyone else.” –LifeIsProbablyMadeUp

12.

“I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.” –Harlesbarkley77

13.

“Stream/record myself not drowning while being submerged in a tank filled with sharks for 24 hours. Live off of the internet fame the rest of my life.” –PhilKenSebbenn

14.

“Fuck every single politician to death.” –AdolphDiddler

15.

“Honestly? I’d just go steal a decent car from a used car lot. Maybe load it up with stolen groceries, go get it registered and insured first, and… I dunno, go take a piece of jewelry from a few different stores and sell them for an emergency fund?

Oh, and steal some rolled oats and almost-expired lettuce to hand out at the park while educating people about not feeding ducks bread.” –corkscrewfork

16.

“Rob an ass ton of banks. Play with high voltage, doxx all of the animal abuse channels on YouTube, and then shoot myself just for the fun of it.” –jackgyver

17.

“Probably something stupid like break into the lion or tiger exhibit of a zoo and pet them or some useless shit. I would want to do more, namely breaking all the animals out to take them to a preserve or sanctuary, somewhere with space, but can still be cared for, but 24 hours isn’t a lot of time such an endeavor.. I’d have to steal some trucks first I guess….

That or burn down the Westboro Baptist church.” –poop-monger

18.

“I would donate all my organs constantly for 23 hours along with blood and for my final hour I’d wish everyone a good day.” –unholysabbath

19.

“Steal all the dogs that are being mistreated.” –mjb_22

20.

“Arrange a meeting with a ps5 scalper in a remote location, kill them, and take the free ps5.” –simonwagon

21.

“Confess to my crush.” –ravishDetox

22.

“Pretend to be the second coming of Jesus and publicly shame all televangelists for going against “my” teachings. Call them out by name. Tell people to love one another, regardless of race, gender, and financial status. All people are equal, and to treat another person as a lesser is the worst of moral crimes. Convince the top 1% that they will be doomed to Hell if they do not spread their wealth amongst the rest of the nation. Spread the word that religious organizations should be taxed.

If people won’t do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, I will scare them into doing it myself.” –pancakesiguess

23.

“I’d steal like 5 years worth of feminine hygiene products. Do you know how much money I’d save!?” –TheSecretGarden8790

24.

“Step 1: Pay someone to crucify me

Step 2: pretend to die

Step 3: go into hiding for three days

Step 4: reappear unharmed, saying that I am the second coming of christ

Step 5: profit” –SeptimusWasTaken

25.

“Watch Netflix. Go to bed early.” –WaterVsStone

h/t Reddit: r/askreddit