Turning 30 years old can be tough. Your 20s are over. A new decade has begun. The bottle of champagne you were drinking straight out of becomes an NPR tote bag. The tacos you were eating at 3 AM actually turn into fat on your body. Your friends… are at home. Maybe they can hang out next week. Or a year from now.
Here’s some good news: ever since I turned 30, things have really been starting to click. Inside my body. Yep. I don’t like fireworks anymore because every morning my joints pop and crackle like the Fourth of July. Fun stuff. Yes. I’m excited for things to get worse.
It’s not all doom and gloom. Well, it is. But you’re not alone. That’s the important part. Being in your 30s has become a meme at this point. Everyone’s got a great quote about their 30s now.
You can still act younger than you are. You can look younger than you are! You can embrace your thirties as so many have done before you. One day we’ll all look back at these years and laugh and think “I was so young” even though you feel old now.
Here are people who summed up being in their thirties so well, you just have to laugh:
Welcome to your 30s. You’re continually stunned to find that 1998 was not 10 years ago.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 6, 2017
As a kid I thought a lot about growing up, getting a job and having kids, but not this job and certainly not these kids.
— eric (@ericsshadow) September 10, 2016
When I’m near the end of a bottle of body wash, I can make a few drops miraculously last for 8 showers like it’s Menorah oil, then when I start a new bottle I’m doing full squeezes like it’s never going to run out. Anyway, this is the same way I am with money.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) June 8, 2018
the purge but instead of for doing crimes, its for everyone being allowed to get 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep without consequences
— jonny sun has a new book coming out in april! (@jonnysun) October 19, 2019
My 20s: *drinks all the drinks, does all the drugs, has all the sex.
My 30s: *sits on the couch until it’s no longer too early to go to bed
— Spanky McDutcherson 🔸 (@thatdutchperson) November 14, 2015
ME [as a kid]: i won’t be a grumpy old man
ME [now]: *gets mad at a car for being orange*
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 24, 2017
Me in my 20s: secretly hates everyone.
Me in my 30s: publicly hates everyone.
— I LIKE CHIPS (@aaronup) December 5, 2017
I don’t use social media or apps to date because I’m in my 30s and I prefer meeting men the old fashioned way: never.
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) June 17, 2016
One day you’re not old and the next day you have a favorite grocery store.
— Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt) December 17, 2016
early 30s are funny bc all friends are by this point steadfastly on diff tracks, w/ “just picked an accent wall for the nursery, what do you think??” on one end & “just picked up ketamine before the orgy, wanna come??” on the other— & me, perhaps also you, squarely in between
— alina pleskova (@nahhhlina) March 17, 2019
Me in my 20s: I’m never gonna turn into my dad.
Me in my 30s: WHO LEFT ALL THE LIGHTS ON DO YOU THINK I’M MADE OF MONEY
— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) July 19, 2018
People in their thirties discussing TikTok: pic.twitter.com/qFYi7BDaFi
— Lindsay Theisen (@lindsaytheis) December 31, 2019
I never thought I’d be in my 30s arguing with a naked toddler over whether or not she can wear fairy wings in the bathtub, yet here we are.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 2, 2017
Me, age 18: I’ll be a homeowner by the time I’m in my 30s
Me, in my 30s: I own a single pair of matching socks
— Regional Expert (@SortaBad) October 4, 2016
Age 17: sneak out of the house to go to a party
Age 37: sneak out of a party to go home
— Not Matt Moscona (@NotMoscona) September 19, 2019
by age 35 you should have a kitchen cabinet dedicated entirely to plastic bags that contain other, smaller plastic bags
— vytas (@peakysblinder) May 20, 2018
Me, in my teens: This radio station is playing my jams.
Me, in my 20s: This bar is playing my jams.
Me, in my 30s: This grocery store is playing my jams.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 17, 2020
HUNGOVER IN YOUR 20s
[takes tylenol and goes about the day]
HUNGOVER IN YOUR 30s
[writing letter] Dearest Penelope, I fear this may be the final time I am blessed to feel the warmth of the sun upon my breast. I grow more weary by the moment, and prospects for survival are slim
— Regional Expert (@SortaBad) February 1, 2020
Getting lit in my 30s is eating a slice a pizza without taking Lactaid first.
— Natasha Rothwell (@natasharothwell) February 25, 2019
6yo: What’s it like being a grown up?
ME: You know that feeling you get when you unwrap a present and it’s not what you wanted?
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) April 27, 2017