My Big Day was this past weekend. Unfortunately, I don’t mean my trip to Disneyland. Indeed, we’re not even going there for our honeymoon. I’m talking about my wedding day. You know, the best day of your life? Not mine, yours. Now that I’m married, you can finally stop worrying about me. I’m worrying now, though, because of these deep thoughts (also known as shower thoughts) on marriage. Reddit is full of funny introspective people, and some of them, believe it or not, have been married. Their funny observations on the subject of marital bliss will have you in stitches.
It’s about time we vowed to each other that we’re going to be honest about weddings. They’re nice and romantic. But some of the traditions are odd and disgusting. I did not, in fact, throw my wife’s garter at my friends. I did not shove cake in my wife’s face as a “bit.” I did, however, not see her dress until she walked down the aisle, and I’m happy I did that. I sobbed when I saw it. Because I knew I had to pay for it. Just kidding.
Here are the funniest shower thoughts about weddings that are making me rethink my own marriage:
1. A deep thought about where the money goes…
“Considering the divorce rate, it’d be better if people spent less money on weddings, and more money on marriage counseling.” –NopeyNope_the_5th
2. Pour one out for this genius.
“Whoever created the tradition of not seeing the bride in the wedding dress beforehand saved countless husbands everywhere from hours of dress shopping and will forever be a hero to all men.” –Yorkshire45
3. I’ve never had a bad time at a funeral.
“Having to attend a wedding you don’t want to sucks more than having to attend a funeral. At least at the funeral you don’t have to pretend you’re happy to be there.” –Corvus_Manufaktura
4. If you get divorced, you get a second bachelor party that lasts months, if not years.
“It would make way more sense if a bachelor party was something celebrated the night before a divorce instead of the night before a wedding.” –MarquisDeCleveland
5. So true…
“People rent tuxedos that, if life goes well, might need to wear again. Then buy a wedding dress that, if life goes well, will never be worn again.” –Clambake42
6. Tell this to my brother’s ex. She showed up at his.
“Your current partner will be either the most important person at your wedding or not even present.” –RazvanSuteu
7. Probably true.
“A wedding is the most anyone will ever pay to have sex.” –FamilyJoule92
8. When the contract is up.
“Marriage licenses should have a expiration date like driver licenses. That way people could just not renew instead of going through a long divorce process.” –TiggerDL
9. Law & Order Theme plays in my head right after reading this.
“The fact that the first person they suspect after someone is murdered is the spouse tells me everything I need to know about marriage.” –xproofx
10. Makes more sense.
“Why are wedding dresses bought and tuxedos rented? The utility of each is such that it should be the other way around.” –the_humeister
11. A rough spot to be in.
“Marriage proposals are weird. The proposer gets to take as long as he/she wants to determine whether they want to spend the rest of their life with someone. The proposee is expected to make a split-second decision.” –PRGuyHere
12. Dang. Nailed it.
“Marriage is marketed as the beginning of a woman’s life, but the end of a man’s.” –
13. Biblical loophole.
“If Adam and Eve were around before marriage was invented how were they allowed to have sex to have their kids?” –Darthvaderade
14. Put me down for two. Wait-
“Marriage is preordering a MILF.” –MrMutant69
15. Basically, that’s what’s happening.
“A marriage proposal is only 1 knee away from begging.” –JTAx1995