16.
17.
My toddler just slapped me with one glove. She may not know what it means but I’m a woman of honour. We duel at dawn.
— Brona C. Titley (@bronactitley) November 13, 2021
18.
my daughter asked why she can’t just quit school and i told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail and my sweet sweet child looked me in the eye and said “i’ll visit you”
— ceciATL (@CeciATL) January 28, 2021
19.
My 7 year old: *staring at my face*
Me: What is it, sweetie?
My 7 year old: Is my nose weird, too?
Kids are delightful.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) February 9, 2021
20.
5yo asked me to go find something downstairs. I couldn’t find it.
5yo: “I’ve got an idea. This time, go back downstairs and try your best”.
— Adam B. Hill, M.D. (@Adamhill1212) June 25, 2021
21.
[How to lose at Hide-and-seek]
Me: [eyes closed] 1…2….3…..
4yo: [whispers] Daddy can I hide in your shirt?
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) March 24, 2020
22.
[How to lose at Hide-and-seek]
Me: [eyes closed] 1…2….3…..
4yo: [whispers] Daddy can I hide in your shirt?
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) March 24, 2020
23.
My 7 year old: *staring at my face*
Me: What is it, sweetie?
My 7 year old: Is my nose weird, too?
Kids are delightful.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) February 9, 2021
24.
I bought my son a book about bats and halfway through it he shouted out, “WHAT??? BATS ARE REAL?!?!” All this time he thought they were made up for Halloween like ghosts and witches
— ally (@TragicAllyHere) August 16, 2018
25.
26.
*Opens bottle of bleach*
Nephew : How did you open it? I tried but it didn't open.
Me : Oh it's coz it has a child safety lock. Children can't open it.
*nephew looks at bottle in amazement*
Nephew : How did it know I was a child?🤣🤣🤣
— Julz (@azedi) November 27, 2018
27.
Daughter didn’t want “sunscream” so I put her outside and yelled “SUN…. GET HER” and now she’s flipping out.
— Nik (@jacaristar) August 25, 2018
28.
4: Mom, how long was dad inside you?
Me:
4: Mom???
Me: What the f-
4: Well??? How long was he inside you before you had him?
Me: Oh honey no I didn’t birth your dad, grandma did!
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 5, 2020
29.
I was arguing with my husband and my son screamed "yay! TWO christmases!" from the other room.
— JennyPentland GED (@JennyPentland) May 6, 2017
30.
Kids are the best, man. They get all shocked when you figure out they did something wrong like, “mom how’d you know I colored on the table?” Um, because you wrote your fucking name on it?
— Melissa (@Fiveoclockmommy) January 17, 2019