“Dad isn’t it weird that the word chicken can mean an animal or a type of food?”
– my kid, on the verge of making a horrific realization
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) March 29, 2021
Coming this fall to NBC, “This Is Mine”, the heart-wrenching story of a toddler laying claim to things that are not his
— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) April 3, 2018
“She poops too much.”
– my son’s review of his new baby sister
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) April 4, 2018
Child: I need help with my homework.
Also the child: THAT’S NOT HOW YOU DO IT
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 3, 2018
7yo: I like waking up early and hearing the birds chirp.
Wife: If you wake up even earlier you can see the sun rise. It’s beautiful!
Me: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 3, 2018
Me: [in bathroom]
7yo: [knocks] MOMMY?
Me: Yeah pal
7: IT'S ME
Me: I know
7: YOUR SON
Me: Knew that too
— Val (@ValeeGrrl) June 19, 2016
5: daddy can I tell you a secret?
Me: sure thing buddy
5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) June 9, 2015
[Tucking in my 4 year old]
Me: Yes buddy?
4: We don't fart on friends.
M: Good advice buddy.
— Bo Davis (@BoRyan11) November 26, 2016
Daughter: You're invading my personal space
Mom: You came out of my personal space
— Moe (@_Mo_lee_) January 8, 2016
7: I'm beating you!
7: I'm way ahead!
Me: I see that.
7: I'm gonna win!
My son on the carousel horse in front of me.
— Master of Mediocrity (@charliedelta7) March 13, 2016
Me: Christmas is Jesus' birthday.
4-year-old: What should I get him?
Me: You could be nice to your sisters.
4: I'll get him a hat.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 6, 2016