TikTok is addicting. I’ve spent hours watching 15-second clips of kids pranking their parents and parents trying to learn dance moves their kids invented. It’s mostly annoying. And yet, I can’t stop scrolling.
Occasionally, a TikTok video comes along that’s smarter and funnier than the rest. Enter Seth Kricheff and Cross Patriaco of @SpeedUncle99. Their mission: to set the world record for getting rejected by women faster than anyone has been rejected. The videos of these Tinder “speed runs” are as hilarious as they are satisfying.
I spoke to Cross over the phone about his goals for future world record titles now that he’s clearly the champion of Tinder, and he had a lot to say about his viral videos.
Here are a few of the silliest world records set by @SpeedUncle99 on TikTok:
How fast can a man get a woman to cancel a Tinder date?
@speeduncle99##greenscreenvideo ##foryou ##foryoupage ##fyp ##explore ##snapchat ##gaming ##dating ##viral ##girls ##datingadvice ##relationship ##speedrun ##relationshipadvice♬ original sound – Crossinator and sethinator
It’s one thing to be crass or boring with a woman on Tinder, but Cross seems inordinately excited to break things off in the weirdest and fastest way possible.
I asked Cross what inspired him to try these self-destructive speed runs, and how difficult they were to actually record. He had a simple answer:
“I have getting rejected by girls down to a science,” he said, laughing, “I figured it was time to go pro.”
Here’s another hilariously odd way to get a girl to unmatch you in record time. Cross is infectiously excited:
@speeduncle99##greenscreenvideo ##foryou ##foryoupage ##fyp ##explore ##snapchat ##tinder ##gaming ##dating ##girls ##datingadvice ##relationship ##viral ##girladvice ##speedrun♬ original sound – Crossinator and sethinator
The epic sub-seven-second rejection. All Cross had to do was pretend to be a pirate.
Unfortunately for Cross, there aren’t many outtakes. He finds it easy to get rejected. “My philosophy is that everyone is on there just saying hi, so… I have no shame about what I’m doing.”
Here’s another solidly strange idea Cross had for getting blocked on Instagram:
@speeduncle99##greenscreenvideo ##fyp ##foryou ##foryoupage ##viral ##speedrun ##dating ##datingadvice ##funny ##relationship ##relationshipadvice ##worldrecord ##explore♬ original sound – Crossinator and sethinator
But what would inspire a sane person to try to ruin a shot at love? Heartbreak, plain and simple.
Cross went to see his old high school friend and fellow comedy video creator Seth down in Florida because things hadn’t worked out with a girl. Seth, consoling his buddy, suggested he send her a message on Snapchat. Cross said “that message will set the world record for getting left on read.” (for you old timers: the message was opened, but not responded to).
Cross said the idea out loud and “it just fucking clicked.” Their first video was inspired by a real life event.
World record for getting left on read:
@speeduncle99##greenscreenvideo ##fyp ##foryoupage ##foryou ##explore ##snapchat ##gaming ##dating ##girls ##datingadvice ##relationship ##speedrun ##worldrecord ##viral♬ original sound – Crossinator and sethinator
The pair have made tons of record-setting speed runs on dumb activities. They plan to do stupider and stupider things as time goes by. “TikTok is limiting. We want to do longer videos on YouTube and Twitch where I run for mayor or ask a city to build a statue of me. We want to ask Elon Musk to buy me a pirate ship.”
They have big things in store for the SpeedUncle brand. That’s one of the reasons they changed their name from “NakedUncle.” It’s arguably funnier but it sends the wrong impression.
But wait… if Cross has perfected the art of rejection, couldn’t he just as easily get a date quickly?
“Yes. It’s doing better than Googling ‘how to talk to girls on Tinder.’ I’m not a billionaire playboy or anything.”
The work has paid off. Not only can Cross get a date in record time, he’s able to make that a funny video too:
Tinder Date Speedrun World Record:
@speeduncle99##dankmemes ##snapchat ##fyp ##foryou ##foryoupage ##dating ##viral ##comedy ##speedrun ##gaming ##memes ##dank ##girls ##girladvice ##funny ##tinder ##datingadvice♬ original sound – Crossinator and sethinator
Amazing.
Cross has even been able to get a coffee date without necessarily knowing what coffee is:
@speeduncle99##fyp ##foryou ##foryoupage ##dankmemes ##snapchat ##dating ##viral ##comedy ##speedrun ##gaming ##memes ##dank ##girls ##girladvice ##funny ##tinder ##datingadvice♬ original sound – Crossinator and sethinator
Cross and Seth have amassed millions and millions of views. They’re well deserved. Keep hustling, boys!
Follow @SpeedUncle99 on TikTok and Youtube.